Giggles and Musings

My life in well...... not a nutshell. I will be telling the world what is going on in mine (my world that is).

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Aspen Blind Cafe

Last night, I went, at the request of my mother, to an event called the Aspen Blind Café. I was a two hour event that started at 8:30pm and was dinner and a live music performance in complete darkness. When I say that you start to picture it, whether you intend to or not, but I will tell you now that you can’t. You have no idea. I went with my mom, my step- dad (Steve) and a friend of my mom’s (Kim) and her boyfriend (Brad).

We were led into the space by a blind server. He seated us at a rectangular table that sat 6. I was next to Brad and across from a woman who came alone named Sandy. From the moment that we entered the darkness, I was anxious. I was able to find the gift on my seat and sit down without incident. Although, I did think that the table was at a different angle than it ended up being, so I sat down at a funny angle. I was able to easily find my napkin and distinguish my wine and water. That part wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be and in a smart move from the organizers all the glass were short tumblers, so it wasn’t as easy to knock them over. However, what I didn’t account for is how small my world became and how much it freaked me out. While I was eating I was fine, because I was focusing on trying to cut my chicken. I ended up picking the chicken up with my hands, but I did manage to get my plate clean. I was proud of myself for that. I ate the salad, by stabbing my fork at the plate and shoving whatever was on the fork in my mouth. If anyone had been able to see me I would not have been a pretty site. It made me wonder how blind people eat without looking like animals. I mean that is serious skill. The food was really good. It was a goat cheese stuffed chicken breast with cheesy polenta and green beans. There was a salad with some awesome dressing made of champagne vinegar. It was all really good and interesting, because I loved it, but if I had known what was in it before I ate it, I wouldn’t have. So, that was a good experience, if only because it demonstrated that going outside of my comfort zone, could have a delicious outcome.

Then there was a question and answer period. No one at my table asked any questions, but there were a couple of people who asked some really annoying questions. It was interesting, because there was no way to subtly express my displeasure, because no one could see me. The only option was to vocally express it and that felt rude, but it was interesting to feel so handicapped in expressing my emotions.

At this point, our server read one of his poems to the room and I started freaking out. I had run out of things to eat and I was therefore out of things to do. I was forced to think about how dark it was. The only thing that was getting me through it was that I knew two hours had to end eventually and there was a small light, like one from a really dim green pen light up and in front of me to my right. I actually wasn’t sure at first that it was something that my brain had created, but when it didn’t move with my head I figured out that it was part of the room. Anyway, I was so focused on my mild panic, that I didn’t really experience the poetry. Weirdly though, when my mom was trying to figure out a line of the poem later I was able to repeat it almost verbatim.

Then they passed out the dessert, which was interesting. It wasn’t as hard as I would have thought it would be. Although the person carrying the tray hit me in the head several times, which was annoying. It was chocolate mousse topped with a vanilla amoretto mousse. I didn’t really like it and wasn’t able to finish it, as I was pretty preoccupied with the fact that it was dark. I set down my dessert and actually started to braid my hair into tiny braids, just to have something to do, so that I could calm down.

There was music after that. Part of the experience was supposed to be listening to music in total silence. That didn’t really happen and every voice and noise was so far beyond annoying. There was a male and female vocalist and a cello player. The male vocalist also played guitar. They had to keep talking to each other to make sure that they were playing the songs in the right key. They sang two original songs and then the cello played a solo song. Then there was another original song where they had us join in singing the ooos. Then sang a Beatles song and I continued to sing along, although quieter. For the last thing they taught us the entire chorus of a song and had us sing it. It was fun. It was interesting, because I had no fear and, so I was singing pretty loud. I didn’t care what I sounded like because no one could see me. Afterwards Kim told me that I had a nice voice and my mom said she liked hearing me, even during the Beatles song (I thought I was singing softly oops). She said I was harmonizing well, it was nice to hear that stuff. Then they lit candles and then turned the lights up gradually.

Overall, it was a great experience and the food was delicious, but I don’t think that I could do it again. Although, I would love to eat the food again.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Twilight vs. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

This is an blog post I wrote for my Writing and Rhetoric II class. I was about the differences between Buffy and Twilight. I don't really like it, as I barely scratched the suface of the topic and its written strangely. I don't what about it, but something really bothers me..... It's almost like I was trying to write an essay and failed miserably. I don't even know.

Here it is:

There are huge differences between these two works about vampires. They start with the main character and go all the way to the way that the lore is used. There is also a huge discrepancy between the quality of the writing.

I think that the biggest difference is the two main female characters. First, you have Buffy Summers who is a strong female character. She is the Slayer, the latest in a line of female warriors who fight demons, vampires and the forces of evil. She is a teenage girl, yes but she is the hero of the story. She makes sacrifices again and again to fight evil and in the end of season five she even gives her life to save the world. Although she fights it sometimes, saving the world and the safety of others always comes first. She is not a perfect character and she makes mistakes, but she always does her best to correct them. She has a sense of duty to the world that she cannot help, but fulfill. She has preternatural strength and speed and she is a talented fighter. She is small and blonde and gorgeous. She has a very tight knit group of friends, who are more like family than friends. Buffy is a witty character and has some issues with her destiny and becomes exponentially more complex as the series goes on.

Bella Swan is totally different. In fact, Bella and Buffy are complete opposites except for the fact that they both fall in love with broody vampires, more on that later. Bella Swan is never really physically described. She has dark hair and is pale. She feels out of place at Forks High School and is very clumsy. All of her life, she has been the responsible one in the relationship between her and her mom. She comes to Forks and takes care of her father doing all of the cooking. She is very good at school and for some reason all of the boys she meets seem to be attracted to her. Bella has very few defining traits. She is in fact, what is known in fanfiction circles as a Mary Sue. This means she is perfect character. Often, Mary Sues are the author inserting herself into the story with only shallow flaws, such as being clumsy. They are also used as a way for the readers to put themselves directly into the story. Bella has few friends and even fewer close ones. In fact, she spends the majority of her time with the family of her boyfriend.

As far as the vampiric counterparts to our females, we have Angel and Edward. Angel is around 245 years old and was originally from Ireland and his name was Liam. A vampire named Darla transformed him and together they terrorized the world for a hundred years. Around 100 years before the show, he was killed a Romani gypsy girl and was punished by her clan. As punishment, they restored his soul. He had done all of these unspeakable things and now he had a conscience. He left Darla and struck out on his own. He started to fight for good, against the other vampires. He first appears in the pilot of Buffy and gives Buffy some vague help. He comes back several times with the vague warnings. Buffy has feelings for him and he tries to avoid that for a while by showing up as little as possible. Angel is a noble character trying to make up for his past sins. He fights against his relationship with Buffy, because he knows that it is bad for her. At one point, he actually looses his soul, reverting back to his evil self (Angelus) and Buffy actually has to kill him. Her duty is more powerful than her love. He comes back and they actually continue their relationship, until he leaves for good. He leaves, because it will be better for Buffy that way. He wants her to move on and live her life. He cares enough about her to leave and she is strong enough to move on, as is he. They continue on with their lives and date others and Angel even has a kid. Yet they are still in love the entire time.

Edward Cullen is 109 years old. He was born Edward Masen. He was in the hospital dying of Spanish Influenza, when Carlisle changed him into a vampire. He lived with the Cullen family for most of his existence. He was a “vegetarian” from the moment he was created, with that exception of a decade where he ate only the evil people. He doesn’t eat humans, because he chooses not to. He is a very old fashioned person and he doesn’t believe that he has a soul. He actually exhibits some stalker and controlling behavior, although Bella is the only human who knows she never comments. He watches her sleep and doesn’t like it when she is away from him. He thinks that he is the only person who can keep her safe. Edward can hear people’s thoughts, everyone but Bella’s. The Bella/Edward relationship is not one of equals. He is older and has more knowledge. He is also stronger and faster. He controls her a lot. It is actually a traditional relationship with a subservient woman. When Edward leaves Bella, she falls apart to the point where she stops functioning and he also has difficulty functioning normally. Their relationship is not a healthy one, but after a token effort from Edward in the first book, neither makes any effort to leave. Although Edward leaves entirely in New Moon, neither really moves on. Bella spends the entire time trying to remember him using adrenaline and Edward tries to pretend no one exists, but when he thinks that Bella is dead, he tries to kill himself.

These two works have completely different messages and themes at the core. Buffy has so much depth to it, but one of its many facets is the power of the feminine. Buffy is a strong woman, as are most of the other female characters. Strong in mystical ways, but strong nonetheless. Buffy, Willow, Tara, Joyce, Jenny, etc. also possess an incredible inner strength and moral compass. Their moral compasses don’t always point true north, but they fight the good fight to their death (and Buffy dies several times). Twilight is very much a product of Stephenie Meyer’s Latter Day Saint background. Twilight is very much about abstaining until marriage and a woman’s place in a relationship. It certainly isn’t the healthiest relationship example to be giving kids. Bella is the protected and Edward the protector.

I have definitely boiled this down to the simplest it can be and I have barely scratched the surface of this issue. There are so many more components and even more things that differ. I am sure that this will offend someone and for that I apologize. I do know that both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and The Twilight Saga are about more than I mentioned here. Although it may not seem like it I did read and enjoy the Twilight Saga. I just think that there are also a lot of issues with it both thematically and in the way it’s written.

I do believe Buffy is the better creative endeavor.

Monday, October 11, 2010


It's been a while since I blogged. I've been meaning to I've started several posts in my film classes, mostly about how annoying everyone is, but I haven't had a chance to finish any of them.

It is the beginning of my sixth week of college. It's gone by so fast. It's hard to believe that its been 8 weeks since I left Aspen. I miss it. Not so much the town, but the security and familiarity it provides. I also miss my high school. Not something most people think about, but I liked high school. I was comfortable there and I understood the status quo. I miss knowing who the actors were and feeling comfortable saying things like "Hey, want to be in my short film? I need a guy to play a dad." I also miss my theatre teacher. She's awesome.

I really like my Writing and Rhetoric class. I have a great teacher and we have great lectures and discussions. I like class and I even like the reading we do, but I don't like the essay homework. I guess, because its college she's more critical, but I am not any better. We are supposed to be doing personal narrative papers that are also analytical about so aspect of culture, but I don't know how to do both. Our subject options are as follows:

"Image and Identity

You can be specific and tell a story about your name such as how you feel about having been named after someone in your family, having the same name as your best friend, or how your names don't really fit you. Or you can take a more general approach and write about what it means to you to be labeled with a racial category, how you respond to cultural labels such as being called "all boy," "girly," a "WASP," a "redneck," etc.

How do images of you help or hinder your ability to "see" yourself? How does your use of photography influence how others see you? Maybe tell the story of a photograph that is important to you. Describe the image and then tell what it means or what it shows in terms of cultural beliefs, patterns, tendencies, or myths. You might think about things like the motion of family, friendship, race, class, gender.

Place/ Space and Identity

Can you think of a place that always makes you comfortable or uncomfortable? To what do you ascribe that sensation? What is the relationship between architecture or urban planning and the behavior or attitude of the people in those designed spaces? How many places can you think of that are critical to who you are? In what ways do our places make us who we are? What about those places where you don't fit, where you feel awkward? Is it possible that the place itself (not just the people in those places) in inclusive or exclusive? How?"

I have nothing to say. Absolutely nothing. I understand what she wants me to write about and I have thoughts, but I don't think that any of them can be developed into a 3 page paper. She kept talking about how it should be one well developed idea, well I don't know if I can do that. I don't if I have one idea that can be fleshed out that much.

My First Year Seminar class is the bane of my existence. It's not the class itself, but rather the teacher and the other people in it. They just are not my crowd and none of them try. I am barely trying and compared to them I'm an overachiever. It's annoying and I don't like it. I'm trying not to let their lack of motivation affect me. I don't want to start using them as my measure. I came from a school of overachievers and so I was used to having something to strive for. Here the kids seem to be much less worried about grades and class. It's a little disorienting. I'm not sure I like it.

I also really like Moving Image Arts. We discuss movies and its just nice. I think there is a little bit of the element that causes problems in literature classes. Sometimes I think that my teacher is looking for meaning that isn't there and its just as annoying as it is in english class.

I have a really hard time in my Moving Image Production class. It feels like a science class. I am just as helpless in this class as I have always been in science class. I do think it is a good idea to try everything, but the more I try the more it seems like I belong behind the camera, dealing with the actors and the department heads and they can deal with all of the technology. I don't think I'm going to be very good at that stuff. I just am more of a big picture/ idea person.

School so far has been quite the adventure. Outside of school I haven't made really any friends yet, but I did join the Harry Potter club, so that should change when meetings start up. I did find my nearest movie theatre and the Target and the nearest grocery store, so I am settling in. Hopefully as time goes by I will become more comfortable here.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

I need a job!!!?!

I don't know how to do this. I've had job since I was 15 with my mom and I have no idea how to go about getting a job, but I need one. I don't know how to do this. I have only had two jobs: one, being a sort of junior receptionist for my mother and the second, working as a barista at Starbucks. I sort of stumbled into both of those jobs and now I don't know what to do. I have gone on to the Columbia website for these things and I don't really see anything that I think I'd be good at. There was one job in my building, but I don't think I'm really right for it. It's being a judicial assistant... I don't really know what that means and I looked at the job description and the qualifications and I felt like it was really hard and above my qualifications. But I am worried that I'm not really qualified for anything and I guess the only way you become qualified is to pretend that you are, so that people will give you jobs, so that you become qualified. That just seems really dishonest and I don't want to tell someone that I can do something and then let them down.

I thought it was a really good plan to try to work in a movie theatre or movie rental store, because those are the places that I typically spend the most money, but I can't figure out how I figure out if they're hiring. I wouldn't be totally against working in a Target or something. I might even be okay with working in a Macy's, but I just worry that I wouldn't be a good sales person. I guess I just have to put myself out there, but do you know how nerve-racking that is. It's so much easier to get up on a stage and act like an idiot, than to ask someone for a job in complete seriousness and have them laugh in your face.

Saturday, September 04, 2010

First Homework. PANIC!!!

I finally logged into the SchoolFusion equivalent at my college called Moodle. Now, all of that is well and good, but my issue is this assignment.

"Your bio should tell us some basic things about you and be professionally presented. You need not tell us things we already know. For example, that you are a student at Columbia. Make sure what we see is not a first draft."

I have no idea what to do. I mean does he want... "Rachel Bielinski was born in blah blah blah and then at the age of seven she moved to blah blah blah. Her parents are Bridget and both of whom are now married to others. Her step-parents are Steve and Susan. Her birthday is blah blah blah. She is interested in blah blah blah."

Or is it more of like who I am as an artist?? I know that college is supposed to be more free and you figure it out all by yourself, but I... like doing things right. So, if it is at all possible I would like to do my first assignment of the year right. I guess I'll just have to do what seems right to me. I don't really have problem with the bio part, my real issue is "professionally presented." I don't know what that means. I'm not sure if I should talk about my love for Buffy and Charmed or if this is supposed to be something that I'd want my employers to see. It's entirely possible as well that this whole thing is an exercise in seeing what we think the assignment means.

Well, at the very least I know that I did the other half of the assignment right. I was asked to put an "actual, recognizable photo of yourself." I cropped my Senior picture and put that up. So, if I were to be graded right now I would get a 2 out of 5... which is why I need to figure out what kind of bio I'm doing, but I'll get there. I have 6 days and plenty of time to do a million drafts.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Holy Crap! It's been a crazy week! I left Aspen for college on Monday. It was sad and I don't think that its sunk in yet.

Packing up the car to go was quite an adventure all by itself. I had too huge purple duffels full of clothes and way more random assorted boxes than I had originally planned. But Steve is a genie with the car and he got most of it in the trunk area. Then we were able to put everything that we needed access to during the trip in the backseat.

The drive was fine. On the first day I was really tire, so I tried to sleep as much as possible. I watched some Sports Night and we listened to some music. We ate breakfast at the Golden Burro Cafe in Leadville. It was kinda weird...There were these "Please keep your children under control signs every few feet and a strange and slightly angry help wanted sign saying that people with facial tattoos or no clocks or watches or who only wanted money for drugs and were going to quit with notice or who only wanted money to pay for concert tickets and would be asking for a lot of time off need not apply. We stopped for the night in Omaha, Nebraska and ate at a ....well I can't remember the name of it, but they had decent pie. It was late when we got there, but I have to say a far as I could tell there is nothing in Omaha. Steve is not terrifically good at following the GPS, but with my help we only got lost once (and I was asleep when it happened so I had nothing to do with it). The second day was pretty simple. There was a tiny bit of confusion when we were almost to Glenview, but we straightened it out and arrived without getting lost. We talked more this day about politics and life and what I thought it was good. Steve and I got along fine and everything went well, but I prefer driving with mom, because with her you can listen to music and talk.

When we arrived in Glenview, I saw Lucas for the second time. Lucas is my 13 month old cousin who is the size of a two year old. He is very mobile. I was staying in the basement of my grandparents' house in Glenview on the pullout couch in front of a giant television. It was fun.

The day after I got to town (Wednesday), I went to visit my friend Sydney at Lake Forest College. I was driven to the North Glenview train station and got on a train heading north. I stayed on the train for three stops getting off at the fourth a station called Lake Forest. I looked around for my friend and found no one waiting. I called her and she said she was waiting at the train station. I looked again and still couldn't find her. Finally she went inside and asked the man if there were two Lake Forest stations. It turns out there were. I was at the West Lake Forest station and she was at the Downtown Lake Forest station. I ended up having to take a cab to get to her. We walked from the downtown train station to her dorm. I looked around her dorm and met her roommate. Then we went and ate in the dining hall (they had really good caesar salad). We talked a lot. She was having a hard time adjusting, but it seems to be a little better now that classes have started. When we were done hanging out, I had to take a cab back to the West Lake Forest station to take a train back to Glenview. I got back to Glenview and had to shower again because we were taking Christmas pictures. I had a mini breakdown for like no reason at all. My Aunt Nancy made dinner and it was very good and we all took fantabulous pictures. My Uncle Tim, Aunt Nancy and their kids Lily and Jack got me a bin with stuff for my room. We also celebrated the birthdays of Aunt Nancy, Uncle Brian and Lucas.

The next day (Thursday) was the big shopping day. My mom and Steve and I went to Pearle Vision, Costco and Target. First we went to Costco. We bought this awesome Shag blanket and lightbulbs and lots of batteries. Then we went to Pearle Vision to look at glasses. There were one pair at Costco that were okay, but nothing I really liked. We had been in Pearle Vision for about half an hour when the salesperson suggested that we pop the sunglass lenses out of a pair of Ray Bans and I was sold. After my mom had a little altercation with the salesperson we bought my glasses. Then we went to Target. We bought so much at Target it was ridiculous. We did two laps!! After Target we went to Steak and Shake for a late lunch. I had chicken fingers, because we were going to eat dinner in a short while and I didn't want to be too full.
We went to Giordano's for dinner and I dropped a piece of pizza in my lap. I am such a klutz. When we got back to the house, we organized the cars and made plans for the morning.

Friday was Moving Day!!!!!! We got up and were out the door by 7:15am. We drove from my Grandparents' house to my dorm. We had to do it in two cars and two people per car. We got to the University Center around 8:30am (half an hour early) and pulled right into the alley where we were given two carts and assisted in packing all of our stuff into it. While my family and the RAs did that I was instructed on where to take my bike. Then I met my family at the elevators and we all went up to my floor and were guided to my room. I was the first one here, so I got to pick my side of the room. I chose the side closest to the windows, which face south just like my windows at home. I unpacked my books and DVDs and made my bed. Then I went down to finish the official check-in process. We had to walk around and get our card stamped at each station. I got my key card for my room and my key for my closet (I'm not really sure why I need a key for my closet, but okay). I also got my mailbox combo and let me tell you, these mailboxes are not easy to open. I finished my process and was unpacking the rest of my stuff when my roommate arrived. She brought her entire family: mom, step-dad, grandmother, older sister, younger sister, younger brother, and two cousins. She didn't however bring much stuff. I have so much here to make me comfortable and remind me of home and then I look out the window and remember how far away I am. I stuffed everything in my closet and then we went to Target again. There is a two story Target in downtown Chicago and we got cubbies to put by the refrigerator for food and under my desk for drawers. We got a harp for my lamp and little drawers for on top of my desk and several more bins for toiletries and stuff. After we got my room all set up, we took pictures for my grandma and for Facebook. Papa had to leave to go help my grandmother babysit Lucas. My mom and step-dad and I went to Girodano's for dinner again. Then they walked me back to my room and I signed them in as guests and they came up for a little while and then I walked them out.

On Saturday, I got up around 9am and called my mom. She said that they were going to pick up my new glasses and then come down. When she got here she arrived with another shelving unit and another bin for under my bed. We set up the other shelving unit and then went to go get my books. First we stopped and I opened a bank account, because my previous bank only has locations in Colorado. Then we walked over to the bookstore and found that we needed a printed copy of my schedule and we didn't have it. Instead we logged on to Oasis with my mom's Blackberry. We got all my school books, and I didn't rent them I bought them. I found out that for First Year Seminar I'm reading Frankenstein, Things Fall Apart and The House on Mango Street. I read The House on Mango Street my freshman year of high school and Things Fall Apart my junior year. I just find that really funny. Then we walked back to my dorm, so that I could drop off my books. Then we walked all the way across the world to go to Maggiano's for lunch. After lunch we stopped at Pearle Vision and got my glasses adjusted. Then we went to Navy Pier. We were at Navy Pier for maybe an hour before I got fed up. I was tired and there were a tone of people, so we made our way back to my dorm. I said goodbye to parents and that was hard. I 'm going to miss them. I came back upstairs and went to dinner at the cafeteria and then I watched Sports Night. Now it is time for bed goodnight.

Friday, August 13, 2010

West Wing, Joe Walker of A Very Potter Musical and EMERGENCY!

I watched West Wing until 1am. The stupid thing is that I now have to
work and I was watching the 7th season, when I left off in the middle
of the fourth. It’s actually pretty good. The problem is that I
don’t really like any of the characters. There was this one Latino
character working on Vinick’s campaign that I liked, but he quit. I’m
hoping that he’ll go to work on the Santos campaign, but he’s a
republican so… Anyway, it’s weird having the team broken up. I miss
Donna and Sam and CJ. Well, CJ’s there, but it’s different. She’s
different. I prefer the original dynamic. I don’t really like the
new press secretary, she seems bitchy. Vinick is kind of an asshole.
I don’t like him, but that could have something to do with the fact
that I don’t like his politics or the way he campaigns. I like the
season, because the writing is still interesting, but it’s a funny
experience being attached to so few of the characters. I can’t wait
for Donna to come back, because I know Donna ends up with Josh which
is awesomeness. They were meant to be together from the first season.
But they made it okay that they weren’t together. It was never
really annoying that they weren’t together. Not like it was on
Smallville. The whole Clark/Lana relationship was so stupid. They
loved each other, but couldn’t get it together and be together, which
in some ways is good. Clark never really belonged with Lana, he
belongs with Lois, but in the first couple seasons all you want is for
Clark and Lana to be together.

Sexy Transition! (Sorry. What the Buck reference. :D) I am currently
totally obsessed with a little known actor named Joe Walker. He
played Voldedmort in A Very Potter Musical and Dolores Umbridge in A
Very Potter Sequel (both of which are on youtube). He is awesome as
both characters. He made Voldemort loveable, which is not an easy
thing to do. He is also pretty buff and shirtless for ¾ of A Very
Potter Musical. But the funny thing is that he was even more in shape
for A Very Potter Sequel and it makes his portrayal of Umbridge very
interesting. He is so funny and practically has a fan club at this
point, because he’s pretty boss. But he isn’t as famous as a lot of
the people I have crushes on and he’s way closer to my age, than
pretty much everyone, but Joe Jonas. He might actually be closer, I
don’t know when he was born. He is awesomeness in a buff package.

I’m bored and hungry and bored and hungry. I don’t feel good and my
throat is sore and apparently Strep throat is going around and so now
I am a little freaked out that I might have strep. Well, at least if
I get sick now I won’t be sick later.

I am panicking just a little bit about packing my room up. I have too
much stuff and not enough time. I don’t know how I am going to pack
it all. It’s pretty overwhelming. There is stuff everywhere and even
as I put things in boxes, it doesn’t even seem to be making a dent. I
am having a very hard time. I don’t know what to do. I am trying,
but it just doesn’t seem to go anywhere. I work all day and I don’t
make any progress. I just want to start dumping things in boxes. I
wish I could get it empty, but I try and it’s just not happening. I
don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make it work I just want
to get some where I need to try to have everything that isn’t going
with me packed by Monday. I need help and I can’t get anyone to help
me. I need a voice of reason. I am going to beg her to help tonight
and hopefully I can convince, because I need to have two really
productive days this weekend. I need to get somewhere because as
stupid as this sounds feeling productive makes me motivated. I know
right how backwards is that. I feel like I’m drowning in stuff and no
matter what I do I can’t get out. I’m swimming as hard as I can, but
there isn’t visible shore in any direction. I know it’s there
somewhere I just can’t see it. Ok…that metaphor got a little awkward.
I am so… I’m not tired per say I feel like I got sucked into a gel
goopy substance and I’m stuck in this weird floating world where
nothing happens and everything is boring. I know…doesn’t that sound
like so much fun (*sarcasm*).

Now I’m back from lunch and I’m full and tired and bored. This day is
oddly busy and slow. It’s actually kind of annoying. I drink more
water in one day at work than I do in a whole week otherwise. It’s
like how I eat when I’m bored. It’s something to do. I just found
out that Governor Schwarzenegger supports gay marriage. That makes me
ridiculously happy.

I AM BORED! The phone just rang! JOY OF ALL JOYS! I had something
to do for approximately 30 seconds. We had to call the paramedics.
They just got here and it wasn’t nearly as exciting as it would have
been if this was a movie. If this was a movie there would have been
panic and screaming and such and as it was everyone was just very
calm. It’s more fun the other way. But perhaps not so good for the
paitent, although if it’s a movie there’s nothing really wrong with